starting the week off right...

Happy MONDAY!!! Yes, I understand you want to punch me right now for that. But I have to find a way to start this week of more positive. This past weekend wasn't one of the best (it included multiple break downs and a flip out on my husband yesterday). I figure if I TRY to stay positive things might start to change.

We went to the wine festival yesterday which was the highlight of our weekend. Here's a pic of the 17 bottles we bought - count em!

There were so many good wineries - ones that we both love! We're hosting Thanksgiving and we still haven't had a "housewarming" party since we moved in almost a year ago. I figure we're stocking up! Now that fall is approaching here, people will want to spend more time indoors. I also love wine so I'm excited about the stash!

My cycle update: none really. I'm 10DPO today; my back hurts really bad and that's about the only symptom I have. Back hurting is a HUGE PMS symptom for me. I haven't tested; nor do I plan to. Unless I'm like 2 weeks late. Then I might be suspicious. Again, I really doubt this is going to happen.

I had a good girlfriend call me on Saturday night to talk to me. She's been struggling with IF herself. She's finally pregnant (first ultrasound is today!!!) after I believe her 4th IUI cycle. Which is completely awesome. I'm really happy for her (and her HGC levels are high - we're thinking TWINS! T&P's for her are appreciated!). She helped calm me down. She told me that I have every right to be upset; and she gets it, it sucks. She just reminded me that it will happen and that God has a plan. We just don't know when. Only he knows that.

She also suggested that I start calling RE's. I'm currently preparing to move on to cycle 9. She called her RE after 9 cycles, but she also had medical diagnosis of PCOS. I have none. To my knowledge, I have no problems. My H told me on Saturday he's starting to truly believe the problem is him. He thinks something is wrong. I don't know what to think. The only thing I know for sure is IMPATIENCE IS NOT A FERTILITY PROBLEM. I can hear it being screamed in my head. It's hard not to think something is wrong at this point; as it seems like almost everyone has lapped us by now. Especially since we have no known issues. But we've also known people who don't have known issues and it just took them a little longer. I'm so torn. Too many people telling me so many things...

I'm going to take the next couple of days to figure out my feelings and see what I want to do. Honestly I really feel torn between taking a cycle off, keep chugging along, or stopping everything and just winging it for the next three months to see what happens. I know the last thing I want to do right now is call the RE. See my reasoning above. I'm trying to find the strength to find balance between faith and reason, but my brain is on overload. Hoping a few days of some solid sleep and reflection will give me more perspective and enable me to make a decision. Until AF shows; there is currently no rush...