(of a person or their grief) Not able to be consoled or comforted.
Yes, that's me today. I'm only 9DPO but I already know this cycle is over. Call it intuition. At this point in the game, I know my body. This is our 8th month and cycle. I was hysterical earlier. The mother of all break downs.
G is still away at school. He'll be home late tonight. I'm home alone again just thinking and crying. Which isn't good. I feel like every month that goes by it just festers and the breakdowns become more epic. I don't know what to do anymore. We've had awesome timing every month. I know it's still only a 20% every month even when everything else is timed perfectly. It doesn't make anything better.
Ready for AF to show so I can move on. I hope. I'm not sure if I can find the strength anymore...well at least not today. I'm sure as I get closer to my next O things will change. For now, it stings. I feel like the clock is ticking. It was decided a while ago that if we don't have any kids by 35 we're not having any. I'm almost 32. I'm starting to hear that clock tick when I get AF.
I really feel like an ass for feeling this way too. There are so many people that have tried so much longer and have so many other things going on. And I'm pouting. Someone needs to kick my ass. Flame me for feeling this way. I 10000% deserve it.
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I know it can be a small comfort, but I just wanted to say you're not alone. The boards have really brought me some peace when I didn't have it, and you've been a part of that.
ReplyDeleteJust wanted you to know someone was thinking of you. Hope the day brightens up.
-Meghan (sunlavender)
It doesn't matter if it's your first cycle or your 20th- it is still so disappointing and even heart breaking when the months go by and you are STILL trying. It's okay to be upset over it. TTC is freaking HARD, emotional, and draining. ((hugs)) I'm so so sorry that you are going through this. I don't know you at all, just happened to click on your blog from the bump but I just wanted to send you a little encouragement.
ReplyDeleteWe had to TTC for 17 cycles before I got pregnant with my son, so believe me...I know how hard it is. You are DEFINITELY not alone in this. Blogging really helped me to get my feelings out through those months of frustration, its a good outlet.
I hope your TTC days are coming to a swift end!!
Thank you both - you are too sweet. Your support means a lot and it's nice to knowing you're not alone in this, especially since most of my friends IRL don't know anything.
ReplyDeleteMeghan - thank you I really had no idea I've helped you at all, but I hope I can continue to be of support. Thank you for thinking of me; you're in my prayers as well.
Heather - thank you. You are an example of someone who went through so much and are able to offer support to women no matter where they are in the game. Thank you for your support & sharing your story with me. I really appreciate it. It gave me a lot of perspective and a lot to think about. God bless you and your family!