daily inspiration

For my TTGP lovelies (and my KU lovelies that need the encouragement), I totally forgot your daily inspiration last night when I last posted. I'M SO SORRY!

I came across this from a friend last night and found this to be really helpful!

<3 you ladies! Happy Hump Day!

Also - if you have a brief moment in your day, please give some extra T&P's for my college roommate. She is KU (due in March) and has been sick. Like ass kicking sick. She obviously can only take some Tylenol and has been feeling down right terrible. She could use the good juju!

the before and after

I promised photos the other day of the before and after paint job. I apologize. I've worked two 11 hour days. I'm so behind. Seeing as I know tomorrow will be just as hectic, I'm making myself get this done tonight.

Here's a few before:

Walking into the study. Don't judge. We seriously have everything still packed up from last year when we moved in.

 

Before room corner shot - you can see the bay window and the french doors.

 

 

Here's the french doors into the study - we had the builder put these in so we didn't have to do it later - yes, we're lazy.

Drum roll.....here are the after:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kind of uneventful; but that's what we got done. Painting is seriously a pain in the ass. Especially putting up all the painters tape. That really sucks! I'm really happy with how it turned out though. Will follow up with pics in November once our furniture is delivered so you can see the entire finished product.



Really looking forward to sharing some awesome pics later this week from my boss' baby shower we're throwing for her. It's a complete surprise, I even got her her parents and husband to come so I'm really excited. I can't wait to share the pictures of the cake! (WINKS at KK - we're totally going into business together!)

where did my weekend go?

HOLY CRAP!

Doing home improvement projects really makes the weekend fly!

We installed three ceiling fans (with light fixtures) and we painted our study/home office room (depending on what you call it). I took before pics, I haven't taken after because I was so exhausted. BUT I do have some stuff to share so you can get an idea of what we did:

First the paint color:

We used the color "sweet innocence" from Benjamin Moore paints. I HIGHLY suggest Benjamin Moore for any painting projects. Their paint really is the best. You're always going to have to apply two coats, but their paint is the most durable and covers the best. It's more expensive than the brands you get at Lowe's or Home Depot, but if you remember that old saying you get what you pay for...

Here is an nursery with the color (since most of us have babies on the brain) so you can get an idea of what it looks like on the walls:

Let me just say how HAPPY I am with how this color came out. It's really awesome. I'm glad we went with this color. It looks more faint on the sample card (don't all paints though?), but it really came out how I envisioned. Here's a picture of the actual room we painted:

I grabbed this off our builder's website. The main difference for us is that instead of the two windows, we have a huge bay window along the wall. Otherwise, our room is identical. We have the French doors, ect. We are pushing to get this room done because 1) I'm not pregnant so why not, and 2) G has school and works from home - he really needs a space to work. We also installed a ceiling fan with a light fixture in this room. I promise to take pics tonight and upload tonight. Here's a picture of our furniture that is arriving in November for this room:

Can't wait to share pictures with you guys once it's actually here! This is my "vision" for this room. This is the layout that we came up with at the funiture place, but it's going to be slightly different. It's all coming together really nicely though, which I'm excited about!

Happy Monday all! For my TTGP ladies here is your daily dose of inspiration to get you through today:

junk food...

And no, I don't mean the band (there's a NOVA reference for anyone in the area stalking - you can find out about the band here.) They're actually really good!

It's officially that awesome day that every woman loves, CD1. (I thought yesterday was; but it ended up just being spotting. Instead, she decided to be even more of a whore this time and wake me up at like 3:30am to go balls out.) I'm bloated, cranky, in pain, and of course I'm all like, please gimme ICE CREAM!

Since I'm on the topic of junk food, IMO, there is no better combo on the face of the earth than peanut butter and chocolate. (Which I could totally eat the shit out of today too.) I wanted to share this desert, it's really simple to make and was a HUGE hit when I went to a football game weekend recently. I highly recommend this if you want something that travels easy, is easy to make and you're in charge of desert for a get together! (The holidays will be here before you know it too!!!)

Peanut Butter Cup Browines

It's on pinterest, and please if you don't already, feel free to follow me. I've made many of the deserts & dinners I've pinned - they've come out fantastic. Seriously have yet to have a bad dinner. Shockingly, my user name is Lobosabby (insert your shocked face here).

Okay someone pass the Advil before I knife my ute. I could also use a bottle of wine, but I think they frown upon that at work. Don't y'all think there should be an exception for CD1?

There might not be enough Advil in this pic for today.

For my TTGP ladies here is your inspiration for the day; I try to remind myself that CD1 is new hope that we have another chance as opposed to "another failed cycle." It's so hard sometimes, but I'm feeling good today, so let's roll with it!

stick me

LOL! J/K - it's not like that at all!

Well, first acupuncture appointment is in the books. It was, interesting. I'm not sure what to think. I am 10000% going back but it was weird! It didn't hurt by any means, in case anyone was wondering. After my treatment was done, though, I felt weird. The acupuncturist said it was my "chi" cleaning out the toxins. My equilibrium was all off. I felt drunk and high. Something I haven't done since college. (Well, the high part, not really the drinking - don't judge. TTC, IMO, would make Jehovah Witness drink.)

Any who, I'm going back on Friday after work. He wants to me come twice a week during my current cycle to really help clear the "blockages" and "toxins." If I don't get pregnant this cycle, he said we'll do a new game plan. Okay. I'll try it. I'm on cycle 9, at this point, it can't really hurt can it?

As a side note, I did decline any of the supplements he tried to sell me. My willingness to try something new only goes so far. I honestly trust "western" medicine with that stuff. Other than my prenatal, I don't want to put anything in my body that I don't have to.

Yay! CD1! Every one's favorite day! I have my preparedness kit all ready:

Ohhh! Update on friends with babies!

Peachy is having a BOY! I swear I'm more accurate than the Chinese gender chart. I totally called that back when she got her BFP! So exciting! I can't believe she's already half baked! Can't wait to meet little Ethan!

My other friend, we'll call her A, (the one that was going through IF that I mentioned on Monday's post that is pregnant and had the REALLY high HGC count), well it's confirmed! TWINS! Yay! Hopefully I'm remembering this correctly I believe one was measuring 6w2d and the other was measuring 6w1d. She was able to hear a heartbeat on both too, which is fantastic. Her RE is already sending her back to OB (pending her final blood work) since she has no other risk factors and everything seems to be going well!

My bosses baby shower is a week from tomorrow - can't wait to share pics, ect.

Yes, I am inundated with friends that are expecting or have young ones. You know you're getting old when you're invited to more parties for kids than your friends....

a new day

Yes, it's a new day, a new direction. Even though CD1 hasn't started yet - I'm already moving forward. I have my first acupuncture appointment today. I have no idea if it will really work, but as we approach the dreaded visit to the RE, I figured I better exhaust every avenue on our own. So this will be me later today:

Sorry if needles freak you out. They don't bother me at all. I donate blood every 60 days. I've had a few friends that have tried acupuncture and have gotten pregnant soon after. Maybe it'll just give me some good juju? I could use that at the minimum.

Here's to this cycle and hoping that things shape up better...

Einstein was brilliant in more than one way...

starting the week off right...

Happy MONDAY!!! Yes, I understand you want to punch me right now for that. But I have to find a way to start this week of more positive. This past weekend wasn't one of the best (it included multiple break downs and a flip out on my husband yesterday). I figure if I TRY to stay positive things might start to change.

We went to the wine festival yesterday which was the highlight of our weekend. Here's a pic of the 17 bottles we bought - count em!

There were so many good wineries - ones that we both love! We're hosting Thanksgiving and we still haven't had a "housewarming" party since we moved in almost a year ago. I figure we're stocking up! Now that fall is approaching here, people will want to spend more time indoors. I also love wine so I'm excited about the stash!

My cycle update: none really. I'm 10DPO today; my back hurts really bad and that's about the only symptom I have. Back hurting is a HUGE PMS symptom for me. I haven't tested; nor do I plan to. Unless I'm like 2 weeks late. Then I might be suspicious. Again, I really doubt this is going to happen.

I had a good girlfriend call me on Saturday night to talk to me. She's been struggling with IF herself. She's finally pregnant (first ultrasound is today!!!) after I believe her 4th IUI cycle. Which is completely awesome. I'm really happy for her (and her HGC levels are high - we're thinking TWINS! T&P's for her are appreciated!). She helped calm me down. She told me that I have every right to be upset; and she gets it, it sucks. She just reminded me that it will happen and that God has a plan. We just don't know when. Only he knows that.

She also suggested that I start calling RE's. I'm currently preparing to move on to cycle 9. She called her RE after 9 cycles, but she also had medical diagnosis of PCOS. I have none. To my knowledge, I have no problems. My H told me on Saturday he's starting to truly believe the problem is him. He thinks something is wrong. I don't know what to think. The only thing I know for sure is IMPATIENCE IS NOT A FERTILITY PROBLEM. I can hear it being screamed in my head. It's hard not to think something is wrong at this point; as it seems like almost everyone has lapped us by now. Especially since we have no known issues. But we've also known people who don't have known issues and it just took them a little longer. I'm so torn. Too many people telling me so many things...

I'm going to take the next couple of days to figure out my feelings and see what I want to do. Honestly I really feel torn between taking a cycle off, keep chugging along, or stopping everything and just winging it for the next three months to see what happens. I know the last thing I want to do right now is call the RE. See my reasoning above. I'm trying to find the strength to find balance between faith and reason, but my brain is on overload. Hoping a few days of some solid sleep and reflection will give me more perspective and enable me to make a decision. Until AF shows; there is currently no rush...

YES!!!!

I think this pretty much sums up a fantastic Sunday.

Time to stock up!

inconsolable

in·con·sol·a·ble/ˌinkənˈsōləbəl/

Adjective:

(of a person or their grief) Not able to be consoled or comforted.   Yes, that's me today. I'm only 9DPO but I already know this cycle is over. Call it intuition. At this point in the game, I know my body. This is our 8th month and cycle. I was hysterical earlier. The mother of all break downs.     G is still away at school. He'll be home late tonight. I'm home alone again just thinking and crying. Which isn't good. I feel like every month that goes by it just festers and the breakdowns become more epic. I don't know what to do anymore. We've had awesome timing every month. I know it's still only a 20% every month even when everything else is timed perfectly. It doesn't make anything better. Ready for AF to show so I can move on. I hope. I'm not sure if I can find the strength anymore...well at least not today. I'm sure as I get closer to my next O things will change. For now, it stings. I feel like the clock is ticking. It was decided a while ago that if we don't have any kids by 35 we're not having any. I'm almost 32. I'm starting to hear that clock tick when I get AF. I really feel like an ass for feeling this way too. There are so many people that have tried so much longer and have so many other things going on. And I'm pouting. Someone needs to kick my ass. Flame me for feeling this way. I 10000% deserve it. 

that's what friends are for

okay so I've been mopey lately. ANNNNDDDD I have so much to be happy for. Especially my friends. So here's my gushy post to Peachy and KK. I love you both so much! Seriously, a girl could not ask for better friends going through this TTC journey!

Here is what I came home to from Peachy today:

I love make up and philosophy lip gloss is my absolute FAVORITE! It's like she knows I needed a little pick me up. Now I'm going to pass it on. Of course I've been working on a care package for Peachy for a while, but KK is going to get something from me soon too!

Seriously I can't explain to anyone the bond I have with these women, but this song pretty much sums it up. I tear up everytime I hear it and think of them!

 

 

that's what friends are for...I'll be on both your sides forever more!

 

 

I can't wait to meet baby Peachy (and find out if baby Peachy is boy like I've predicted!) and can't wait for the day that KK calls me crying with that BFP! I love you both so much.

Weekend is shaping up

Well it looks like this weekend is going to be MUCH better.

I have to get the kitchen and family room cleaned but then I get to play.

I'm going to a friends house tonight to watch the UNM vs. Texas college football game. For those of you that don't know, I got my graduate degree from the University of New Mexico. Texas is MUCH better than UNM, but at least I can laugh about it. Since most of you probably don't even know what the mascot is of UNM, here you go:

Tomorrow is going to be with friends enjoying the first weekend of the the NFL. G and I are Steelers fans so we don't have our game until late. Most people in this area are Redskins fans (booo) including our friends we're going to see tomorrow. As usual, my role is to make delicious deserts.

I'm going to make these delicious treats beause who doesn't like chocolate and peanut butter? The first time I made them everyone died and has been one of my most requested deserts since then! I'm also making a batch of my pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, but that's my secret. I rarely share that one.

Really happy how this weekend is shaping up, it's a good distraction for me. Now just waiting for G to get home from UVA which will be late tonight - right before the Lobos game starts!

Happy Football everyone! Can't wait to enjoy my first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the season when I head out to get my supplies for baking! ;-)

one minute at a time...

I really need to take a step back and take some deep breaths. I've been VERY emotional lately. Lots of drama in my personal life. It's really starting to take a toll on me. I. am. drained. Even though I talked things out with the people I'm beefin with; but I'm still not able to move past it. I have no idea why. I know it's partially because I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hurt. And I don't like to admit it. It's a stupid thing I have, but I don't like people to know that they "got" to me. It's easier for me to put on a brave face and just carry on. G always says that I'm like Chandler from Friends. It's been hard this week while he's been gone, as he is the one person I can vent to. But he did send me this pic which made me laugh. He said if he came home and saw me doing this, he'd think I've gone ill.

I'll be fine in another day or two. Everyone has had their time to "heal." Now I need mine.

I feel like a bad friend to Peachy and KK. You both have reached out to me this week and I've been a terrible friend. I'm sorry I've been so swamped at work. I promise to get back to you both! I totally deserve this (LOL):

For those who don't know, Mean Girls is my most favorite movie EVER. I reference it frequently.

Seriously though, If I don't snap out of this funk soon, I'm going to check in the Crazy Woman Saloon. Stat. On second thought, maybe I should've been here my whole life.

As for my cycle, now it's the dreaded 2WW (2 week wait). I O'd yesterday, which means we have a much better shot than most months. Maybe it's a sign from God. Who knows. G said he thinks his swimmers need to bribe my egg. LOL! So I found this awesome pic, as this would be the perfect bribery for me!

I've been moving way to fast and had too many emtional ups and downs. I need to slow down. For myself, for my sanity. I want to sit back and enjoy this weekend one minute at a time...



Labor Day hangover...

First - holy crap! How is it September already?!?!?!?! I feel like that summer just blew by! Next thing you know I'll be raking leaves on the weekend!

G and I went to the wedding I mentioned in my previous post on Saturday. Actually, my mom dropped me off and he met me there. He was supposed to be there by dinner (7ish) but didn't show up until almost 9:30. Let's just say that by the time he got there I had had almost two bottles of chardonnay. Here's a pic of us from that night, don't judge, everything was outside (IT WAS HOT) so my hair was crap AND I was wasted.

HOLY HANGOVER on Sunday. Wine can really bite back.

Yesterday we went to my grandma's new house so G could help my dad install a new ceiling fan for her. G also had lots of school work to do so it was a pretty lazy Labor Day. We did manage to go to a neighbors house for a small cookout. Just hamburgers and hotdogs, nothing fancy, but still delicious.

As previously mentioned, we're on cycle 8 of our TTC journey. I've entered my FW (fertile window for the newb readers) but I probably won't ACTUALLY O until Friday or Saturday. Which is awesome since he'll be gone and we'll have zero chance to hit either of those days. I'm still upset about it, but each day that passes I get a bit better about it. I anticipate a meltdown over the weekend on my part since I'll be sitting home alone just stewing for the most part.

Oh and everyone is back to school in our area officially today. Here's a pic of what it's like commuting in the DC metro area (if you didn't already know):

Yes, most days I want to drive into the jersey wall and I'm not sure how I can still do this after all these years. It's aging me for sure.

Oh and G is working from home today. Thank God. I have both sets of keys so he's trapped at home all day. I can't wait to hear about this when he calls!

Yes, before I have coffee any morning, I cannot think.

the bad luck continues

"I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he wouldn't trust me so much." - Mother Teresa

And that sums up what's getting me through. I'm still having a craptastic week. Pool drama ensues. G called today and I started crying. I finally get to see him tonight.

This journey we're one to add a third to our family is emotionally and mentally draining me. It's really hard because I know he loves me and wants to be there for me, but he just doesn't get it. I'm having the worst time coping this month. I have no idea why. Most months I can brush it off. This month, I'm breaking down left and right. I can't figure out for the life of me why I am so emotional. I feel like an irrational teenager. I know it's not fair for G either. I'm pretty much blaming him for everything.

I might as well make fun of myself since I am so off my rocker; this is essentially what I have been like lately:

 

 

Yes Mr. Shakespeare, I am a lunatic. I'm also a woman, it happens.

 

 

G and I have a wedding to attend tonight. Hopefully that will distract me some. I'm not really super exited about it, but it is what it is. He's meeting me there. I really do miss him. I think the last few days have been harder since he's not around. There's been so much going on. I'm really looking forward to having him home.