living a new untruth

Let me start by saying - ugh! CD1 - CD3 has kicked my ass. It's quite possible all those rumors I've heard about AF being worse on progesterone is true. I've noticed a difference already. Ugh, let's just say yuck!

But it's all good! My kit was ready to go:

You know you have a CD1 kit too. Although the main difference is that I haven't touched a smoke in months, especially since I've been running more. But I think it looks nicely and completes the "look" of CD1, so this old recycled pic gets to stay! LOL!

I need to add a heating pad to that as well. My cramps were SOOOOOO bad this go around.

So let's get to the title of this post. So G and I are now just denying everything. To just about everyone. When someone asks if we're still trying we just say "we haven't decided anything yet."

When we've been asked recently by people "what's your deal? are you trying to get pregnant?" I just tell them we haven't decided anything yet.

I was even asked last week if "are there problems since you're not pregnant yet?" (Yes, I swear to GOD that happened!!!) I just said that we're waiting until G finishes grad school. I'm very vague.

I'm sure my vagueness has people suspicious, but I really don't care. I'm so sick of people knowing/asking. I have become so much more sympathetic to IF and the TTC struggles of others. You really never know someones story. G and I decided the other day that even if/when I get pregnant, we probably won't even do a FB post. Who knows who else out there is struggling that we're friends with?

Don't get me wrong. I am soooo at peace with everything that's happened over this past year. All this "trying" has given me time to reflect and make some decisions. I plan on keeping everything "under wraps" as much as possible. It's just a personal choice that I've made for myself. G is on board because, well, he has to be! :D

I'm excited what 2013 holds for us. I no longer fret about if/when we'll get pregnant. I've had a sense of calm take over me that made me realize that God has got this. If we're meant to be parents, we will be. If not, that's fine too. For the first time in a long time, I wake up happy more often than not; I feel like my recent loss has given me perspective and a new lease. It feels amazing.