life just isn't fair sometimes...

That's pretty much how life feels occasionally these days. I've been through a lot these past few months, and I feel like the hits just keep on coming.

As much as I cry on occasion or just feel down, I REFUSE to let all this defeat me. Some days, staying strong is hard.

Like today I had a meltdown at the mall. I went go buy a new pair of jeans from the Gap. I found these long and lean jeans that actually fit my body. I have HIPS! And when I say hips, I mean like Oprah and then some! So finding jeans is REALLY hard for me. Skinny jeans are not an option. They would make my ass look like I was hauling a freight train on my backside. But I digress. I went to go buy another pair of these wonderful jeans because I tore a hole in my favorite pair. We didn't you know that the lovely ladies that work there informed me that they are being DISCONTINUED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF! I was all:

And then in the car ride home, the melt down ensued. OVER FUCKING JEANS! I seriously need to slap the shit out of myself some days.

And then I snapped out of it. I find myself being OK most days. But every once in a while I find that things are getting to me. Stupid things. Like jeans being discontinued. I know that when something goes wrong I'm associating it back to something worse like my losses, my grandpa. whatever. And I know that's so wrong. I'm not sure it's normal either. I'm hoping that this is all part of the grieving process and it'll pass with time.

In order to help keep things positive I'm still running. I'm still sticking to the 10K training schedule. I'm shocked that I've been able to keep up with it. But just like TTC, I will not give up on it. I will see it through until I reach my goal. I feel amazing after each run, and the weight is really starting to melt away.

I'm also starting to really look forward to my RE appointment so we can get things going. The excitement of that when I think about it is sobering yet refreshing all at the same time. I know that sounds completely insane.

There are some people out there that are going through so much more than I am right now. That are in much more emotional or physical pain or both. I try to keep that in perspective while on this journey - and try my best to keep every single one of you in my prayers. I love you all. And thank YOU for the love and support you have shown me over the past few weeks. I don't know how I'll ever begin to thank you enough. But please know that I do hope that if you ever need it, I can be there to show you the same love in return.